The tears had pooled and overflowed, streaming down her cheeks as if they had a predetermined path in which to flow. A steady stream continued to roll down her cheeks as the throbbing and tightness in her head began to form. “Fuck!” She shouted as she became frustrated at being a prisoner in her own bed. Finally freeing herself from her restraints she made sure not to get tangled again and threw her sheet and duvet onto the floor. The room was dark for the most part. The light from her window filled the room and created shadows in her surroundings.

Looking next to her the bed empty except for her. Her breathing still frantic, hurried, gasping. The tears forming as she reached for her pillow, wrapping her body around the rectangle, knees bring brought to her chest with the pillow between her legs as her arms wrapped around the pillow and her cheek rested on a free spot. Her world spun around her, her head was throbbing, still throbbing. Her stomach was in knots; she felt sick to her stomach but clung to the pillow. She needed the warmth; needed to pretend she wasn't alone for a moment.

Finally throwing the pillow away from her body she sat up, looking around the room again. There was deep sorrow, deep anger that made her blood boil. Her teeth clenched, hands bunching into fists, muscles tensing. She slowly got off her bed and walked across the floor. It was slow walking, as if gliding across the floor or as to not wake a sleeping person despite being alone. Her thoughts racing through her mind, the tears stropped as her teeth gnawed on her lower lip and the inside of her mouth slightly. She walked into her living room, looking around without moving her body or head. Her jaw clenched and the tears spilled from her eyes again.

Her movements became frantic and quick. She took a few steps and with whatever strength she had she cleared everything off her coffee table. The contents flying across the room and sliding along the floor. she screamed and threw the pillows off her couch, tossing them clear across the kitchen and down her hall. She threw down some trinkets that were on her shelf to the floor, shattering upon contact. Her kitchen caught her eye next and she cleared everything off the counter, contents shattering on the ground. Her stools flipping to the floor. Her fist connected to her wall and went clear through the dry wall, she pulled out her hand, covered in the chalky white residue of the plaster.

She turned and seen the car keys laying on the table at the front door. She paused and really thought about it. She contemplated her next moves but made no move for the keys. Instead she threw on shoes and left her apartment. She left everything at home, phone, wallet, everything that wasn't the clothes on her body. The traffic was scares as it was dead of the night. People had either taken up residence in their beds with people that loved them, feeling whole and loved or filled the bars. Danica, Danica began running. She didn't have great speed but she ran, her arms swinging with power as her legs burned, going as fast as she could. Her feet hit the pavement quickly, her heart raced, lungs hurt from the need to breathe while running. She didn't stop, the pain; she welcomed it.

It wasn't warm but all she had on were a pair of pajama pants, an old nirvana t-shirt and a light cardigan sweater and some flats. She was hardly dressed for the weather or to go running and still she did. She didn't stop not even once until she got to her destination. She slowed her running, finally inhaling deeply to appease her lungs. Nobody was around, the sound of cars all but forgotten. The end of the land over looking the moon as it danced along the waves. It looked like the earth connected to the water but it did not. It dropped.

She approached the edge and sat down. Her legs hung off the side of the cliff, looking down to observe the waves crashing along the rocky base of the cliff below. The sound of waves rolling in had always been one of her favorites. It was calming, soothing to her. Waves could roll in gracefully but had such power to be destructive and powerful. Brutally it had claimed lives thousands of times. The stinging in her chest was no longer due to her lungs. How easy it would be to stand, walk a little bit to see jagged rocks sticking out from the ocean below. How easy it would be to free herself of these night terrors, to no longer feel alone, to not feel the guilt that she couldn't even be a good mother and protect her son, that she wasn't a good enough friend, or didn't show how much she truly was in love with someone.

However there were ties, strings keeping her here. From taking the easy way out. She never thought anyone who did commit the act to be taking the easy way out, having dealt with her mental illness since she was a teenager she knew that there was life after these episodes. She stood up, turned around from the waves and leaned back until her body fell from the cliff. Her hands wide open, palms towards the ocean as the waves rose to meet her mid air as if she landed on a soft bed and slowly they took her down to the ocean where she could swim until she had to go to work.